Why Is Setting Boundaries So Hard?
Have you ever said "yes" when you really meant "no"?
Maybe you agreed to help a friend move even though you were exhausted. Maybe you took on another project at work even though your plate was already full. Or maybe you kept answering texts late at night when all you really wanted was a quiet evening to yourself.
If so, you’re not alone.
Setting boundaries can feel impossible—like you’re letting someone down or being selfish. But the truth? Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re the way we build healthier relationships.
Why Boundaries Feel So Difficult
There are a lot of reasons boundaries might feel uncomfortable, especially if you're someone who deeply cares about others. Here are a few common struggles:
Fear of disappointing others. The thought of someone being upset with you feels unbearable.
Tying your worth to being needed. If you're always the go-to person, saying "no" can feel like losing part of your identity.
Not wanting to be ‘too much’ or ‘too distant.’ You worry that setting a boundary will make you seem cold or unhelpful.
No one ever modeled healthy boundaries for you. If you grew up in a home where saying “no” wasn’t an option, it makes sense why it feels foreign now.
Boundaries often feel hard because we’ve been taught that love means self-sacrifice. But love—real love—also includes honoring our own needs.
Reframing the Way You See Boundaries
Instead of thinking, “I’m letting them down,” try shifting your mindset:
✔ “I’m teaching them how I want to be treated.”
✔ “I’m choosing long-term emotional peace over short-term discomfort.”
✔ “It’s okay if someone is disappointed. Their feelings are theirs to manage.”
Boundaries aren't about shutting people out; they’re about making sure the relationships in your life feel mutually supportive, not one-sided.
A Simple Boundary Script You Can Try Today
If someone is asking more from you than you can give, try this:
“I really care about you, but I just don’t have the capacity to help with this right now.”
Or if someone keeps pushing past a limit you’ve already set:
“I’ve let you know I can’t take this on, and I need you to respect that.”
You don’t need to over-explain or apologize. A clear and kind response is enough.
Final Thoughts: Boundaries Get Easier with Practice
At first, setting boundaries might feel uncomfortable. That’s normal. But over time, it becomes second nature—and you’ll start to notice a shift. More energy. More peace. More mutual respect in your relationships.
People who truly care about you will respect your limits. And the ones who don’t? They may not be the people who deserve unlimited access to you.
So, what’s one small boundary you can set this week?
If you’re struggling with setting boundaries or navigating your emotional well-being, I’m here to help. At Muse Therapy, I specialize in supporting creative individuals, people-pleasers, and those seeking deeper connection and healing. Let’s work together to build healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self. Contact me today to schedule a session.